THE TALK: Love, Sex & Marriage
For better or worse, I learned everything I needed to know about Love, Sex & Marriage from the church by the time I was 8. I don’t remember having a specific conversation, I just remember piecing together strong statements that profoundly shaped and still affect me to this day. Now, because I don’t have all the time in the world, and neither do you, I’ll share what I learned in abbreviated form. Ready?
- SEX is gross and dangerous! Before I was old enough to know what sex actually was, I knew that if you did it, you could end up stuck with a disease or a baby. But whichever the case you would definitely end up stuck in hell. So save it for marriage! Amen?
- MARRIAGE is a kind of paradise. Every fairy tale ended with two people strolling off into this mystical paradise called “Happily Ever After”. So, obviously, if anyone had any hopes of a happy life, they would have to fall into the arms of love and walk into the courts of marriage someday.
- SINGLENESS, conversely, was obviously hell on earth. It was the unspoken “Sadly Never After” of the fairytales that never made it to print. Singleness meant you had no desirable qualities or the evil witch had cursed you. My mom would actually use singleness as a behavior-modifying threat. “If you keep chewing with your mouth open, no one will want to marry you, and you will end up old and alone” (My slight exaggeration). (PS. I chew with my mouth firmly shut to this day).
- DATING was the Shawshank escape tunnel out of singleness. It was the mad race to find or be found a Prince Charming before the [biological] clock struck midnight. Dating was the claw and climb out of a life of certain misery. However, only the fittest, finest and most financed made it. So, get fit, be fine or land some funds, otherwise….(refer back to SINGLENESS).
By the time I was in high school I was deeply conflicted. I had those “dirty” sexual feelings, but didn’t want to die. I wanted the fairy tale, but I knew lots of marriages that weren’t happy and definitely didn’t last forever. I engaged the claw and climb of dating, but couldn’t help but feel like a customer at a meat market, turning people into commodities. But it’s all I knew, so I shopped and felt shame and shopped some more….all in the name of happily ever after.
Turns out there is a better way. Turns out The God who created, Love, Sex & Marriage had something more compelling and beautiful in mind. I am thankful for the ways His truth has unspoken and redeemed some of the lies I have believed.
This series is really nothing more than what I wish someone would have told me as kid. This series is what I want my kids to discover about God’s design and desire for Love, Sex and Marriage (even though they shirk every time I bring it up).
Join us for The Talk.